I mean who CHOOSES to be a single mom?... I did.

You know I think you’re pretty cool even though I can’t comprehend your decisions.

What are you talking about?

Well, I mean who CHOOSES to be a single mom? That’s crazy. I mean come on, it takes two people. I just can’t understand why you would do that. I was talking to my sisters and we were having a laugh about it and decided that anyone who does that can definitely not complain about being a single mom. I mean you CHOSE it! (breaks into a deep laugh)

It’s crazy how much people will tell you if you give them the space to. This particular conversation was by far one of the most enlightening conversations in my life. Had I been in a more vulnerable place in my life, it might of shook me or flared up some serious defence retaliation but from where I stood that day it was a gift. A beautiful moment to reflect on all that I am. His question ‘I mean who chooses to be a single mom?’ has been replaying in my mind as gentle reminder for me to own my story. He put the emphasis on ‘chooses’ but personally I much more concerned with ‘who’. I mean logically the answer is me, but really who am I to have decided to have my wonderful child on my own, to shape this life for our family, and to feel full in the process. What’s that quote again, something about a wise man who carries a piece paper that says ‘you are a but a grain of sand in the universe’ on one side and on the other it says ‘you are the universe’. Well I’ve been spending a lot of time seeing myself as a grain of sand in my own story and this humble pie is turning sour.

I generally shy away from seeing our life as particularly ‘special’ cause honestly none of this actually feels weird for us, so I don’t want to act like we’re the first to insemination story to ever be nor that I’m inventing non-normative family structures — they been here. That being said, all these choices and ways of being say a whole lot about who I am and I’m feeling a deep urge to get to know that person better. I mean really, who’s this person who three years ago (on this day actually) decided she’s gonna have a baby on her own, restructure her sense of family and community, and be true to herself every step of the way? She sounds pretty badass if you ask me and I would definitely read her story. There’s gotta be some interesting twists and turns that lead her to that day, she probably grown a ton since that day and you know she’s got have a buck loads of adventures coming her way. What if I wrote her story? Giving her ample space to be the universe that she is.

That could be nice.

Annick MF